Jan. 17, 2004

When was the last time a casino sent a limo to pick you up and bring you to its establishment to play some poker?

Can you remember the last time a shuttle with a casino logo on the side panels pulled up to the clubhouse at your apartment complex and escorted you to your favorite poker room?

Many Las Vegas casinos have their own shuttle service with timed routes to various locations around the city. Many have bus service to and from their various properties. Many have vans you can summon by phone to appear at your front door if you are unable to find other transportation.

But if you're a poker player, forget about it!

For as popular as poker is, the game doesn't fit into the big casino picture very well. That picture is actually comprised of numbers, numbers, numbers, and when a bean counter looks at the bottom line under the poker department, he sees red‹blood red. Sometimes I think he takes it personally, as if it is his own blood running off the page and spoiling his books.

But that's his job and he's never going to suggest that management follow the slot and bingo route and send the limo or bus to pick up players to partake of a game that makes no sense in the cost-to-profit ratio. He might be talked into providing transportation if you are a noted player with tons of bankroll or if you will help people a game for a high-roller who showed up at 3 a.m. and wants some action. These are exceptions, of course.

Land-based cardrooms -- in full-service casinos -‹ exist for two reasons. They are a convenience for customers who want access to all games so having a poker room keeps them from wandering off to a neighboring casino. By having a cardroom a casino can host tournament action which, if it's high enough, can draw many high rollers who will populate other tables and seats, especially craps and sports. But even that basic reasoning doesn't cut it for the big names that became big names by extracting the most amount of money from even the smallest spaces.

Since poker isn't a big cash cow, few profit-oriented owners or managers want the game. Personally, if I owned the company, I'd want the biggest profit producers too, so I'm not necessarily finding fault with good business practices.

Now the cybercasino is a totally different animal. Sign up for a game at many of the popular Internet poker rooms and you might get a healthy bonus. You could get some freebie action to help you learn your way around this new type of casino. You might be invited to play in a freeroll for big money or for a seat into a huge tournament. You could earn points toward gifts such as hats, T-shirts, books, even cruises!

What makes the cyberworld so anxious to host poker is the fact that there's no space to waste. With so many people interested in playing, there exists a large base to fill the games; the more games open, the more rake. No one computes the revenues per square inch of their stop along the Internet highway. They just count heads. And the heads with bodies attached, fists clutched around Neteller passwords, are arriving. Plus, the only transportation they have to provide to attract players is advertising, promotion and word-of-mouth (or word of TV).

In states like California, for example, neighborhood poker room can barely keep their doors open any longer because they can't compete with the games offered in Indian casinos.

It's kind of sad, this dearth of poker rooms where you could sit next to a breathing human being, where a live dealer pitches the cards, where you can personally acknowledge a good play and pick up on an obvious tell. Sure, some of these poker rooms still exist and flourish and they are warm and friendly. But as the game of poker grows in popularity the existence of land-based rooms doesn't keep pace. And the places to play that are out there certainly aren't sending any limo or bus to pick up a player.

Casinos are looking for the gambler who is interested in games that don't require skill (and in many cases don't require salaries). Just as some have changed the payoffs for a natural in blackjack, others are decreasing the size or eliminating their poker rooms. And while they're not exactly stating outright that you could just send your money to them so you won't have to spend three days losing it, their motto might as well be the headline of this article -- real gamblers play slots.